Eve and all women were cursed from the fall when God gave His punishment to Eve in Genesis 3:16, “….you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” However, God has been gracious to those who submit to His design for marriage after the fall. Only God, who meant something for a curse, can turn His design for submission into a beautiful blessing (also symbolizing Christ and the Church) instead of wives seeing it through the eyes resentment.
I have no doubt that it is easier for me to not fear what my husband will do as it says in 1 Peter 3:6, “….when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do”, and I count this as a blessing to be married to a Godly man. Will Scott make mistakes? Sure, but I do too and I can trust He’s trying to make the best decisions possible because I know he is seeking God. In this way I feel loved and at peace about submitting to his decisions and it brings us closer together in unity together with God through Jesus Christ.
If you are struggling with the temptation to rule over your husband, I would encourage you to try it God’s way, His design to submit to your husband and see what happens. When we do things according to God’s design, things don’t always go perfect because we are imperfect people. However, our relationship with our spouse is strengthened in love and respect in the long term when we submit to God’s design, and isn’t that more important than temporal circumstances going perfectly? I’d take my relationship submitting to God and Scott everyday, even if it meant Scott made every decision wrong because my relationship with them is what truly matters.
Our culture teaches that men can view a quiet, gentle, humble spirit as weak. So many women unfortunately feel they need to prove their value and worth by being anything but these things. Consequently, they are walking right into Satan’s trap of being tempted to control and rule over their husbands.
However, I’ve experienced that I am valued when I am humble, gentle and quiet with my husband and he in turn loves and respects me. He will then ask for my opinion about decisions and often because I didn’t come right out with my thoughts, not feeling the need to tell him what to do, and instead had taken time to think and pray, God can help me align my thoughts, attitude and motives with His. I’m then able to give wise counsel and discerning advice which Scott appreciates. I pray these verses help you live Godly marriages as they have helped Scott and I.
“In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands… You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.” -1 Peter 3:1, 4-6 NLT
“For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” -Ephesians 5:22-24, 33 NLT
“For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy.” -1 Corinthians 7:14 NLT
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” -1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT